RADICAL NEW ICE RESCUE METHOD REVEALED

Avoiding Ice Will Prevent Fall-Throughs

"Don't go out there" Says Fire Chief

Rescuers Hail "Brilliant" Intervention

() Disassociated Press

by B. Elwin Sherman -- Winter Sports Chronicler

GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN (DP)  Professional emergency services personnel around the country will now use a new method of ice rescue, thanks to the Green Bay Fire Department EMS Division's Captain Corey Bereza:

"Don't go out there," says Captain Bereza.  "Whadayou, nuts?"

DFTITFPD, or the breakthrough new practice of the "Don't Fall-Through In The First Place, Dummy" technique, should save hundreds of lives in the remaining winter, as more and more fishermen and snow machine enthusiasts take to the ice.

"We've known for a long time that if a person doesn't venture out onto any frozen body of water -- ponds, lakes, rivers  -- that they stand a much greater chance of surviving a fall-through" adds Captain Bereza.

"We just never thought it was necessary to tell people this.  Apparently, we've been wrong.  Then again, the world's never had a moron shortage." 

Captain Bereza then cited the recent rescue on Lake Erie, when multiple fire and police departments and the U.S. Coast Guard were needed to pluck 134 bonehead anglers from a breakaway ice floe.

"I mean, just take the term: ICE FISHING.  Wouldn't you think that the idea of engaging in a liquid activity on a non-liquid surface would be any thinking person's first alarm bell?  ICE fishing?  If someone invited you to grab your sneakers and go AIR RUNNING off the roof of a tall building, would you go?"

Captain Bereza is now hopeful that outdoor winter weather outdoorsmen will heed his new outdoor call for keeping safe outdoors, especially when going outdoors. 

"I'd tell everyone to dress in layers if they have to go out in sub-zero weather, but I'd be preaching to a tone-deaf choir," he says, resignedly.  "Just think spring.  At least mud season rescues are on land."

Stay tuned. 

Comments

[icefishgaw]

B. Elwin:

Thanks for that. I ice fish, but I do it responsibly.