EBAY TO AUCTION OFF AMERICA

Auction Ends On Inauguration Day

Spirited Bidding Expected

Shillers, Beware

() Disassociated Press

by B. Elwin Sherman -- Online Auction Sentinel

 Our Town, USA -- (DP) The U.S. Treasury Department announced today that the United States of America will be sold on Ebay in a ten-day auction that will end at 12:01 p.m., January 20th, 2009.

"America will have new owners at the exact moment that Barack Obama becomes president," said U.S. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson.  "It's our parting gift to him, and the least we could do."

When asked what role the current president played in planning this historic sale, Mr. Paulson said:  "His only concern was about shilling.  He insisted on knowing precisely how it was done in an online auction."

The Secretary added: "Detail-oriented to the last, President Bush also had specific questions on how to become an anonymous power seller, the risks of negative feedback, and deferred payments."

He could not disclose all the auction terms for the listing, including whether or not limits will be placed on overseas bidding.  "We're still working this out," he said.  "You can well imagine the logistical nightmare if, for example, Saudi Arabia won the auction, and it insisted that Arizona be shipped in its own container."

This may result in some auction term "preconditions." e.g. requiring the winning bidder to pick up all or certain parts of America at prearranged locations.

"Certainly, Alaska, Washington DC, and selected parts of Maine and Texas are too heavy and bulky to be practicably shipped," said Mr. Paulson.  "Bottom line is: we want the Bush-Obama transition to go smoothly."

When reached at her home in Wasilla, Alaska, Governor Sarah Palin warned:  "If Russia wins this auction and that Medavet guy tries to come and load Alaska onto those ferry ship thingies, we'll just tell 'em to shoo, doggone it, and we'll live with the negative feedback."

Stay tuned.