BUSH PARDONS SELF IN PRIVATE CEREMONY

"No Precedent?  No Problem"

Other Recipients Await Decision

FOX NEWS Receives First Ever "Executive Atonement"

() Disassociated Press

by B. Elwin Sherman -- Propitiator-At-Large

WASHINGTON, DC -- (DP) White House spokesman Carlton Carroll announced that President George W. Bush issued a "free and clear pardon" to himself today in a private ceremony at an undisclosed location in the White House.

When asked about the Constitutionality of the unprecedented move to exonerate himself without ever having been convicted of a crime, Carroll said: "The president made it clear some time ago that he was the decider-in-chief, and not to misunderestimate him.  Besides, two months is plenty of time for that bastard Kucinich to get his impreachment thing going."

Article II Section 2 of the Constitution does grant the president the power to issue reprieves and pardons "except in cases of impeachment."  Carroll added: "I've got just two words for you:  Gerald Ford."       

Other presidential pardon candidates who have petitions pending in the Justice Department's office of the Pardon Attorney, include the former lobbyist and now imprisoned Jack Abramoff, and former Vice-President Cheney's assistant Irve "Scooter" Libby, whose 30-month sentence for his conviction of perjury, obstruction of justice and making false statements was commuted by President Bush.

The entire state of Florida has also submitted a retro-forward pardon request for itself, but Carroll would "not comment on any case currently not yet commented on."

In a related story, Fox Television News has received a special "Executive Atonement" for its long history of providing fair and balanced reportage to a small American demographic whose brains were removed at birth.

Stay tuned.

Comments

[Can't Wait Til the Inauguration]

Thanks for the laugh~~~I wouldn't put it past him!

[Pam Howell]

Once again, Florida is seen shooting itself in the foot. If not for that whole "hanging chad" fiasco, we wouldn't be in this situation of being everybody's whipping boy. Oh well, as long as we're getting picked on, somebody else is being left alone! :-P

[B. Elwin Sherman]

Pam:

Yes, the reporter may have jumped the gun on that one. Looks like Minnesota may soon be the new Florida in the hanging recount department ...

Thanks for posting!

Best,
El