AARP CAUGHT EXPLOITING ABSENT-MINDED MEMBERS
Wednesday, October 15, 2008 at 4:16PM 
Retiree Organization Collects Millions In Advance Membership Dues Using "Dumb Old Fart" Ploy
() Disassociated Press
by B. Elwin Sherman -- The Senior Life Cognition
Washington, DC -- (DP) When syndicated humor columnist B. Elwin Sherman opened his mail today, he found a familiar, odd letter from the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP). Familiar, because he'd already received several such notices from AARP since joining the organization four years ago. Odd, because they all have contained the same message:
"RENEW YOUR MEMBERSHIP NOW."
As in the previous four years of his association with AARP, this latest demand to pay his AARP dues arrived nearly a year before his membership expires. Alerted by his instincts as an investigative humorist, he joined this reporter in uncovering a startling pattern of senior abuse:
-- The AARP routinely sends out renewal forms to its 38-plus million members far in advance of their due dates. It does this, according to Fritz Wolfowitz, a former employee at AARP, "because you'd be amazed at how many dumb old farts didn't even question it. They'd get the renewal, and either couldn't remember or didn't want to admit that they couldn't recall when they last paid up, so they'd just send us the money."
He added: "We had membership dues from some of these geezers being paid ten, twenty years in advance and more. I know of one case there where a couple had sent their dues well into the year 2147. When I left AARP, our department was sending them five-year renewal notices every week, and they'd pay every time. Dumb old farts."
Mr. Wolfowitz's allegations were categorically denied by AARP officials, with one Executive Vice-President who asked not to be identified, claiming: "Mr. Wolfowitz never worked here. Clearly, he's just a dumb old fart looking for a headline." AARP currently has 1,251,356 Executive Officers, all under the age of 23.
Following our collaboration on reporting this story, B. Elwin Sherman, 57, also asked this reporter: "Hey, I may be aging, but I'm not stupid. Now, how much do I owe you again? And, say, aren't you the guy who brought that Jamaican ganja to the Gerry & The Pacemakers concert last week?"
Stay tuned.
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Reader Comments (2)
I know what you mean, El. I quit AARP after getting my umpteenth notice to renew. Thanks for posting this. And, I think you missed the concert date by about 40 years, give or take a loooonnng week!
They are no different than any other subscriber driven entity. I know lots of young adults who've "renewed' every time they get a notice for a magazine subscription and have years and years paid for with notices still coming! I guess no organization should be trusted to care for it's members!